Matt LeBlanc and the Awesome Power of Heinz Ketchup

Since everyone is bound to be using ketchup as they grill out on this Fourth o July, let us examine the virtues of Heinz ketchup according to this 1990 commercial.

First, it is so think, you can prop it up on the window of your upper floor apartment, stroll down the stairs, and order a hot dog from a street vendor before any of it pours out. This is a virtue if you buy into the all good things to those who wait philosophy, but when you have been sitting there at Applebee’s shaking the bottle unil you contemplate looking like a redneck by sticking a knife in to dump the ketchup out, thickness is not really a selling point.

Second, one drop covers an entire hot dog perfectly. The ketchup automatically stops falling from the sky at the exact moment you need for it to, as well. The process works so perfectly, the act is punctuated by an ’80’s guitar riff. Everything this cool should have an upbeat, ’80’s soundtrack.

Finally, and most importantly, pretty girls are impressed with your manipulation of Heinz ketchup to the point you do not have to play Joey Tribiani for over a decade in order to impress them. Winking while eating a hot dog will do. Who would have guessed?